Top 35 Most Famous Funny Quotes with Images Ranked by Users

Discover a curated collection of beautiful Funny Quotes with images. All quotes have been ranked by users.

I think the key indicator for wealth is not good grades, work ethic, or IQ. I believe it's relationships. Ask yourself two questions: How many people do I know, and how much ransom money could I get for each one?

This quote suggests that wealth — which can mean having access to resources, comfort and luxury — is not determined by having good grades, strong...

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Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they'd lock us up?"All the time.

This phrase is used to express the idea that if other people heard the conversations that two people have, they might think the conversations were...

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What makes big boobs and perkiness so attractive to boys? I mean, really. Two round, mounds of fat and a fake smile. Yeah, winning attributes.

The quote is making the suggestion that physical attributes like having big breasts and being perky are attractive to some boys, but suggesting that in...

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But Dumbledore says he doesn't care what they do as long as they don't take him off the Chocolate Frog cards.

This quote comes from a conversation between two characters in the Harry Potter series. The character Dumbledore is saying that he doesn’t care what the...

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Never miss a good chance to shut up.

This quote is encouraging one to think before speaking. It warns against speaking without thought or hastiness, advising to not let an opportunity to hold...

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She's strong! And scary...I bet she's single...I'd put money on it..

This quote is talking about someone who is strong and intimidating, and suggesting that they are likely to be single. It suggests that they feel...

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Perv."He pointed to himself. "Male and eighteen. What's your point?

” The person speaking is saying that he is a male, aged eighteen. He is asking what the other person’s point is, as if to...

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I don't hate you.. I just don't like that you exist

. This quote means that the speaker has no ill will or negative feelings towards the person they are speaking to, but they don’t enjoy...

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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

This funny quote simply means that the speaker has a clever kid who, when the speaker told them about the concept of reproduction (the birds...

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Um...is that thing tame?"Frank said.The horse whinnied angrily."I don't think so,"Percy guessed. "He just said, 'I will trample you to death, silly Chinese Canadian baby man'.

Frank asked if the horse was tame, meaning safe to approach. The horse whinnied angrily, suggesting that it was not tame. Percy guessed that the...

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Can you be a girl for a few seconds?""I'm always a girl"I frown."You know what I mean. Like a silly, annoying girl"I twirl my hair around my finger. "Kay.

The quote is asking the person to pretend to act like a stereotypical girl for a few seconds. They responded that they are always a...

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The mouth is made for communication, and nothing is more articulate than a kiss.

This quote means that the mouth is meant for talking or expressing ourselves, and no other way of showing our thoughts or feelings can be...

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If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.

This expression is a humorous way of warning people not to be so gullible or naive that they believe everything they hear. It means that...

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Headline?"he asked."'Swing Set Needs Home,'"I said."'Desperately Lonely Swing Set Needs Loving Home,'"he said."'Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children,'"I said.

This quote is making a joke out of how someone could create a more interesting and attention-grabbing headline. The two people in the conversation are...

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Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

This quote means that if you want people to come to your funeral when you die, then you should take the time to go to...

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I thought I'd lie on the floor and writhe in pain for a while,"he grunted, "It relaxes me.""It does? Oh - you're being sarcastic. That's a good sign probably.

In this quote, the speaker is expressing pain by lying on the floor, and another person responds in surprise. However, the speaker is being sarcastic,...

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Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

This quote is telling someone not to underestimate themselves too much. It is saying that they should not think they are not good or important...

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I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning.

This person is saying they like having conversations with people, and that it can be compared to a type of mental exercise. However, they also...

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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.

This quote is about someone’s experience in a dangerous neighborhood. The speaker was once approached by someone who had a knife. The speaker realized that...

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If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

This quote is referring to the idea that success doesn’t always mean that you have achieved your goals. Even if something fails, it can still...

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If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people.

The quote is saying: when loving someone feels like they are hurting or restricting them, or treating them badly, then the speaker has experienced what...

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It's not because I want to make out with her."Hold on."He grabbed a pencil and scrawled excitedly at the paper as if he'd just made a mathematical breakthrough and then looked back up at me. "I just did some calculations, and I've been able to determine that you're full of shit

.” This quote means that the speaker has done some quick calculations on paper and he thinks that the other person is not telling the...

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A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

This quote means that it is very easy for a false story, or a lie, to spread quickly. People may start talking about it without...

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When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

This quote means that when you face difficult or challenging circumstances, you should not be discouraged but instead use the resources you have to find...

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Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.

This quote means that once you can understand and accept that the universe is constantly expanding and everything is constantly changing, then other things that...

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Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.

This quote suggests that everyone should be prepared with some basic entertainment in case they ever find themselves trapped in an elevator. Specifically, this means...

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They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.

This quote suggests that people who are not intelligent enough to find activities or hobbies which are interesting enough to keep them engaged, often turn...

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Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.

This quote is suggesting that you should embrace and accept yourself, except if you have done something very wrong, like being a serial killer. It...

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I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

This quote means that the speaker did not actually attend the funeral, but they showed their respect and support by writing a letter to the...

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It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.

This quote means that the person speaking did not have nothing at all, they had the radio on. They were not completely without anything at...

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The planet is fine. The people are fucked.

This quote means that the Earth is still intact and from a natural perspective, the environment is doing alright. The problem is the people who...

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What the hell is that?”I laughed.”It’s my fox hat.””Your fox hat?&#822...

What the hell is that?"I laughed."It's my fox hat.""Your fox hat?""Yeah, Pudge. My fox hat.""Why are you wearing your fox hat?"I asked."Because no one can catch the motherfucking fox.

” The speaker is wearing a hat that looks like a fox, which they have named “Pudge” and they are wearing it because they believe...

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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

This quote suggests that instead of going to bed when you and your partner have an argument, it is better to stay up and discuss...

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You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin."Need I say more?

This quote is making the point that the world around us seems to be out of balance. It is pointing out that the best rapper...

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Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.

This quote means that after seeing Finnick Odair in his underwear, no one was too impressed by him. Despite him usually being seen as an...

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Top 35 Most Famous Funny Quotes with Images Ranked by Users

I think the key indicator for wealth is not good grades, work ethic, or IQ. I believe it's relationships. Ask yourself two questions: How many people do I know, and how much ransom money could I get for each one?

Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they'd lock us up?"All the time.

What makes big boobs and perkiness so attractive to boys? I mean, really. Two round, mounds of fat and a fake smile. Yeah, winning attributes.

But Dumbledore says he doesn't care what they do as long as they don't take him off the Chocolate Frog cards.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

She's strong! And scary...I bet she's single...I'd put money on it..

Perv."He pointed to himself. "Male and eighteen. What's your point?

I don't hate you.. I just don't like that you exist

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

Um...is that thing tame?"Frank said.The horse whinnied angrily."I don't think so,"Percy guessed. "He just said, 'I will trample you to death, silly Chinese Canadian baby man'.

Can you be a girl for a few seconds?""I'm always a girl"I frown."You know what I mean. Like a silly, annoying girl"I twirl my hair around my finger. "Kay.

The mouth is made for communication, and nothing is more articulate than a kiss.

If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.

Headline?"he asked."'Swing Set Needs Home,'"I said."'Desperately Lonely Swing Set Needs Loving Home,'"he said."'Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children,'"I said.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

I thought I'd lie on the floor and writhe in pain for a while,"he grunted, "It relaxes me.""It does? Oh - you're being sarcastic. That's a good sign probably.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people.

It's not because I want to make out with her."Hold on."He grabbed a pencil and scrawled excitedly at the paper as if he'd just made a mathematical breakthrough and then looked back up at me. "I just did some calculations, and I've been able to determine that you're full of shit

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.

Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.

They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.

Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.

The planet is fine. The people are fucked.

What the hell is that?"I laughed."It's my fox hat.""Your fox hat?""Yeah, Pudge. My fox hat.""Why are you wearing your fox hat?"I asked."Because no one can catch the motherfucking fox.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.

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